Ye Hairy Gentlemen

Written for Chel Owens’ Terrible Poetry Contest, Class of 2020 Reunion. The task, a terrible parody of a Christmas song…

On the twelfth day of Christmas
She’ll drive a holly stake through your heart…

Cut, cut, I think we’d be safer taking this in a different direction?

doG blessed ye hairy gentlemen
You’ll be warm upon this day
Remember that the rest of us
Will be frozen until May
With razor blades we’ll come for you
And shave it all away
O shavings of back hair and Bengay

We’ll stuff the clipping into bags
And ship them on their way
To far-off Nike sweatshops
In Hong Kong and Bombay
Where they’ll stitch them all together
With labels that say “Made in U.S.A.”
O tidings from Tài Sǔn and Ganmay

And when those man-hair sweaters
Arrive upon our shores
We’ll click on over to Amazon
And buy them by the scores
We’ll wrap them up for Christmas gifts
And cold, we’ll be no more
O tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Damn these things are scratchy,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night…

Written for Chel Owens’ Terrible Poetry Contest, Class of ’20 Reunion
Copyright 2021 Greg Glazebrook, All Rights Reserved.


4 thoughts on “Ye Hairy Gentlemen

  1. Pingback: WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 5/1/2020 | Chel Owens

    1. Gr8BigFun Post author

      Alright, let’s try this again. I replied yesterday but clearly something shiny caught my attention before I hit the send button.

      Take 2:
      I am just glad I had the opportunity to participate in one of these. It has been a pleasure reading everyone’s terrible takes from this challenge and from challenges past. Could you imagine what caroling would be like if this group was going door to door! Terribly terrifying if you ask me. Thanks Chel and everyone! Have a great Christmas, your man hair sweaters are in the mail! Greg.

      Like

      Reply

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